The Pastor and Counseling: The Basics of Shepherding Members in Need – Hannah Kalk
Counseling is a combination of remembering the Gospel is powerful in people’s struggles and knowing practical tools for unleashing Its power in sessions. “Caring for troubled people is part of the privilege of loving Jesus.” We must put our hope and confidence in God to change people rather than a counseling theoretical model or even ourselves. It is God through Jesus’s life that has the power to enact real transformation. We must also remember that Jesus is both the means and the goal of people’s changed lives. “Counseling in its simplest form is one person seeking to walk alongside another person who has lost his or her way.”
During my time in The Fellowship Residency Program, I read a long list of powerful books. To read more about my residency experience click here. One aspect of my assignments is to summarize and write key takeaways from each of the books. This is a summary of "The Pastor and Counseling". by Jeremy Pierre and Deepak Reju.
Part One: Concept
Chapter One: Laboring for Your People
Too many people enter into pastoral roles to get the public pulpit ministry without being willing to do the tougher counseling visits. Though preaching is the vital ministry of the Word in the mission of the church, it is not the only way that the Word happens in the life of the church. Loving Jesus requires that we care for His people too. Jesus would take the place of chief Shepherd to watch over all His sheep. Therefore, we can rest assured that shepherding is a worthy labor for the Kingdom. Unfortunately, many pastors are more bothered by people potentially leaving the church than people within their church hurting. Instead, they should be working on their personal ministry.
The personal ministry of pastoral counseling involves, “identifying with the weakness and sin of people, speaking to God on behalf of people, and speaking to people on behalf of God. To die to ourselves for the benefit of others will require us to get involved in people’s struggles. Caring for the sheep leads to fervent prayers and truer dependency on Christ. “We want those in our care to be conformed to Christ, which happens as faith works through love.” We also must ask the question of, “What does faith in Christ look like in this person’s trouble?” Navigating this tricky task requires practice and is most successful when the pastor is humble and not afraid to fail. Additionally, our confidence must not come from our own skills, but in Christ alone.
Chapter Two: Where Do We Begin?
The book recommends addressing the problem initially. I don’t personally align with this, but that is because I am more inclined to follow solution-focused models. However, inquiring about the issues are important. Their argument is sound. “If by the end of your time together you have not helped this person look more like Christ, then what you’ve done is not Christian counseling.” After addressing their problem, we want the people to understand the relevance of the Gospel in their own lives. Finally, we want to help the clients grow to be like Christ. The challenge is for pastors to emphasize that becoming like Christ is more important than their desire for instant healing from their pain.
To do this, we must first thank all who seek help. It is humbling to admit that you need someone else to speak into you. Other times, it will be the spouse who initiates the counseling. This situation is always trickier, because the spouse may not see the situation clearly, and the non-initiating spouse may be more reserved and unwilling to trust the process. Additionally, it is part of the call of the pastor to recommend that struggling sheep receive care. To do this, one must wash themselves with humility and patience and offer an abundance of grace to the church member in need.
Once the session has been agreed upon, it is a good idea for the pastor to preview the situation before the initial meeting. They may do this to collect appropriate resources, pray about the situation, and prepare their heart for the interaction. Then the pastor must prioritize which situations will require the first look depending on time, level of exploration, level of urgency, and lack of personal relationships the situation demands. Finally, occasionally, pastors will have to pursue the uninterested. Sometimes these people are poor at follow-through, busy, hostile, or overzealous. Regardless, the pastor must love them well and help shape the expectations of the caregiving relationship.
Chapter Three: How You Do Counseling?
The simplified how to involves listening, considering, and then speaking. You listen to understand context, consider heart responses (to self, others, and circumstances), and speak the truth in love. When listening, you must listen to understand their circumstances and what is going on, recognize who are the most important people in the story, what is their position in the struggles, and how is the person including (or possibly not including) God in the story.
From there, you take time to consider how the person’s heart is responding. For example: do they recognize the difference between their situation and their response to the situation? Are they loving others? How do they identify themselves? Do they trust God to do and be what He says He can do and be? Finally, you speak truth in love. This can mean we “teach, comfort, warn, encourage, advise, and admonish” depending on what we learn from considering their response. We may give scriptural guidance based on the situation, or a vision of how to relate to others like Christ did, or help them identify their own identity that is rooted in Christ. Regardless, the pastor will be working to help people have an accurate view of God from the Scriptures. Practically speaking, it is a good idea to be prepared for tears, strategically position clocks, limit distractions, be visible for others to see at all times, and only put recommended books in eyesight.
Part Two: Process
Chapter Four: The Initial Meeting
The first meeting is going to require a great deal of listening. It is also important to establish a trusting relationship right off the bat. Transitioning out of light hearted conversation and into counseling is the responsibility of the pastor. As you begin, you must remember to focus on trust, mercy, love, and respect. Trust keeps the line of communication open both ways. Mercy keeps people from feeling defensive or judged. Christlike love “makes an invisible God visible to struggling people.” Respect emphasizes that each person is a divine image bearer of God and should be treated accordingly.
It is also crucial to avoid turning any session into a sermon. The pastor must balance between allowing the person to freely share their thoughts while also keeping them focused and directed towards the right path. One of the primary roles of the pastor is to display hope in the client’s likely hopeless situation. Scripture is intended to glorify God and display the work of Christ. Therefore, the eternal hope of Christ should reshape the person’s outlook of their present struggles rather than the other way around. True hope is plain and simple. It is hope in God that will right all their wrongs. As the first session comes to a close, you should assign prep work for the following session including questions, scripture passages, prayer prompts, etc. Additionally, map out the parameters and boundaries of the relationship between pastor and client. “Weak sheep have the remarkable ability to find the gaps in a pastor’s boundaries.” Finally, schedule the next session and pray in a way that models real interaction with Christ about their troubles.
Chapter Five: Laboring for Change
Each session will involve asking for updates, inquiring about prep work, exploring the concern in more depth, and offering redemptive interventions. Getting an update is crucial so that the pastor can understand what is most pressing to the client when they enter the session. Asking about the prep work shows the client that you believe it is important. If they are consistently not following through on the prep work, then it may be time to have a conversation about whether or not there is time being wasted on a “process that isn’t actually proceeding.”
Each statement made displays both beliefs and emotions, and it is important to face both. Are these beliefs focused on Jesus or serving themselves or others? We were designed to worship, so our drive to worship will either be directed towards God or a thousand other idols. “Pastors should think of counseling not primarily as an attempt to fix problems but as an attempt to reorient worship from created things to the Creator by means of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.” However, be cautious to avoid quickly labeling idols. Additionally, don’t assume that people automatically know what they are motivated by. Correction is necessary and important, but is most effective when the client is aware of both in what, how, and why they are off track. Each person will need different responses depending on their heart’s current state. Discern and trust the Spirit to reveal to you what they most need in any given moment. Eventually there should be a movement from discussing the client’s situation to providing guidance for the struggles. However, it is important not to preach at them, but, rather, talk with them.
Knowing God by His word is the greatest source of confidence we can achieve. Therefore, we must remember that our clients need to be reintroduced to the truthful description of God. We must also work to depsychologize the client and deprogram performance. This involves reminding them that they are firstly a child of God rather than their diagnosis while also encouraging them that God’s love is not dependent on what they do or do not do. Instead, it is the hope of our salvation that brings Christ’s favor over us. Pastors are also called to undermine incorrect assumptions with assumptions that are true of scripture. Reframing also benefits the clients by reminding them of God’s view of their situation with clarity and truth. Encouragement “lends courage” to the difficult circumstances. Pastors uncover dysfunctional dynamics at play, display and predict consequences of one’s choices, and confront and reorient people by warning them of the problems of sin. They may also develop short and long-term goals that involve only what the client has control or responsibility for. For example, we cannot set a goal for a healthier marriage if you are only working with the wife. However, the wife can set a goal of becoming amore submissive wife that will in turn increase the health of the marriage. Finally, it is important to remember not to be afraid to “say no to individual in order to say yes to the congregation.” It is not heartless to uphold necessary and loving boundaries.
Chapter Six: The Final Meeting
Before ending the meeting, the pastor should review the main themes of counseling and plan for return into regular care. There are a few signs that may indicate that the relationship should come to a close. Some are positive, and some are negative. The positive includes: 1). The clients have a grasp on their situation and are able to handle it (this typically means symptoms have lightened). 2). Another person’s care has become more beneficial for the client. The negative includes: 1). There is not change in the circumstance or health of the client. 2). They are not interested in putting in the work. (“To let people think they are helping themselves by showing up for appointments when, in fact, their hearts remain unteachable is to let them engage in a kind of self-deceit.” 3). They no longer trust you. 4). They need more help than you are equipped to offer in either skill or time. Ultimately, when ending, remember to be humble enough to receive Godly criticism and stay firm in your decision to end the caregiving relationship.
It is important that both parties understand the final meeting is the final meeting before it happens to ease the mind of all involved. Additionally, you must celebrate the work Christ has done in their lives during their time in counseling. “Emphasize the positive changes in their responses to trouble more than any positive changes in the trouble itself.” If there is little to celebrate, remind them of God’s long-term plan for those who have received His seal for all of eternity. The pastor should also warn people of potential pitfalls and equip them with Biblical principles and coping skills to handle temptations or future setbacks. Finally, you are to remind them of the regular care available to them. This includes the public ministry of receiving the word from the pastor on Sunday mornings, the private ministries of Life Groups or care ministry, and the private ministry of individual quiet time with God. Always end the time of care with prayer to remind them of the hope that is found in Christ.
Part Three: Context
Chapter Seven: Never Laboring Alone – Toward a Culture of Discipleship
To grow in Christ is to be formed as a disciple, therefore disciple demands laboring for one another in love. The church culture should make anonymity or nominal hard to accomplish, particularly for those who are struggling. Discipleship means that we are loving one another and living according to God’s will. When people want to add a new ministry, it can be just as helpful to ask them who they are individually helping and discipling in order to grow the ministry of care in the church. It is also important to encourage membership as members receive the commitment of other believers to do what is best for the spiritual good of the whole. It is important to remember that counseling should not be a comfortable place from people who want to continue living in patterns of clear and unrepentant sin.
Pastors can create a culture of discipleship by both teaching on it and modeling it on display in both the wins and the struggles as the Lord is glorified in it all. Discipleship relationships primarily are formed when members are interacting and connecting with one another. In discipleship, every believer is capable of providing care with the power of Christ within them. Continue teaching and modeling even if there are many who do or do not fully grasp the idea. God uses these relationships to lighten the burden for pastors.
Chapter Eight: Laboring Wisely – Using Outside Resources Well
Outside help will be needed most when you are burnt out, you’ve tried your best with little results, you sense medical attention is necessary, or when there is real or perceived abuse or deadly harm happening in the life of the client or others. If a situation becomes dangerous, it is important to remember that you are not responsible for determining guilt or innocence, but you are committed to shepherding the client’s spiritual needs regardless of the outcome. When using outside resources, as much as possible, ensure that the resource keeps Jesus at the center of the process as well. You want to find someone who is a competent Christian that knows God’s Word and the application of it as well as someone who is loving, gracious, trustworthy and will persist until the end. Medicine may be needed, but should not be used to undermine the power of a relationship with Christ through the Word. Ultimately, you want to steward the client’s situation well by carefully discerning and selecting valuable resources who will continue to point the client towards Christ.