All it takes is one look to realize that I am packing extra weight. According to the evil BMI charts, I should lose about 100 lbs. I think that is ludicrous, because I haven't seen that number on the scale since I was a preteen. But if I'm really being honest and vulnerable with you all, I could stand to lose about 80 lbs.
When people look at me, they often assume this weight is a result of physical laziness and poor health. But I know the truth. The truth is that each extra pound I am carrying was gained from a place of emotional pain and suffering...
10 pounds came when I learned the difficult lesson that even your closest people will fail you
5 pounds came when I lost a close friend
15 pounds came when the doctor told me I may never birth my own children
20 pounds came quickly when I was stuck in the fog of depression and feeling used, abused, and worthless
15 pounds came from the embarrassment alone of fat labeling, name calling, and judgment
5 pounds came from feeling like I would never "be enough"
10 pounds came when I was crying out to God and I felt like he was no where to be found
After years of valleys, sufferings, and hurts, the weight begins to add up.
Although the weight manifested itself for me physically, we are all carrying emotional weight we were never meant to carry. Weight of shame, guilt, hurt, rejection, abuse, neglect, and grief. It piles on and we begin to crumble. We wonder why simple tasks have become so difficult as the weight is holding us down. But there is hope in the truth.
The truth is that God never intended for us to carry this weight.
No. You see, God sent his son, Jesus, to die on the cross. God laid the weight of the world on Jesus's shoulder so that you and I no longer carried that burden.
The scriptures tell us in Psalm 55:22, "Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.” Surrender your weight to the Lord. Believe in his truths, and his sacrifice will cover your burdens.
I have been a Christian since I was 5 years old, but this photo from 2016 is the first true moment of surrender I've experienced. I surrendered my past hurts, said "YES" to the call on my heart, and begin pursuing a life on Earth of freedom.
As much as I would like to say that since that day it has been a journey of perfect surrender, it has not. I often find myself picking back up my brokenness only to fall back to my knees out of desperation.
This season of mothering has been incredibly difficult for me. It has added heavy burden on my heart. But when I begin to feel weary, I remember the call to surrender.
Surrender is a daily choice. It is a choice that can only be made in the hope that abounds from Jesus Christ.
I can say with joy that although I am not at my lowest weight or best shape of my life, I am experiencing a freedom unlike ever before. The freedom that comes from surrendering our burdens at the feet of Jesus.
Join me today by surrendering your burdens and relishing in the peace that falls over your life.
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