As I wrestled with God (as I always do) about my 2021 word, I thought He had given me my word early. Around November/December, the word “truth” was popping up everywhere. Our pastor did a sermon titled “what is truth,” I saw the word truth on every social media post, in my daily readings, and on random signs. I thought this was where I had landed with my word.
But then, God reminded me that I do in fact know truth (at least decently well)-- but I struggle to believe it in my heart.
The distance between the brain and the heart is so very very long. Therefore, I have decided that this year I want to not only know the truth but also believe it.
In Mark 9, we read a story about a man whose son is burdened with an unclean spirit. The father tells Jesus, “if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus responds to the man by saying, “If you can! All things are possible for the one who believes.” Immediately, the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief.”
The man realized how he had questioned Christ’s power and was repentant of that mistake yet was also honest enough to ask God to help him in the ways he was unable to believe. For 2021, I am coming to the table saying...God, I believe in you for my salvation, but I struggle to honestly believe your truths in my heart, in my words, and in my deeds. I believe; help my unbelief.
I want to truly believe that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do.
I want to truly believe that there is purpose in all of the pain I have endured in this life.
I want to truly believe in myself - unapologetically and freely-- that God has equipped me in all He has called me to.
I want to truly believe in miracles and hope and goodness and joy. I want to believe my prayers have power.
I want to truly believe that I am who God says I am.
I want to truly believe that other people are trustworthy...that they won’t hurt me...that they mean what they say...that they want to care for me and be with me. I want to believe that they love me.
Yes, this year I want to learn and grow. But also, I want to truly believe the truths I know in my brain and feel them as truth in my heart and my life. This year, my hope is to believe what God has said to be true and hold fast to that belief in both good times and in bad.