I am not okay
I tell myself, “You’re nothing. Stop whining. No one cares.”
I am not okay.
I am not okay.
The world says, “But my situation is worse.”
True, but I am not okay.
I am not okay.
My son says, “Mommy, I need you.
My heart breaks even more, and now I am really not okay.
I am not okay.
My friend says, “but look on the bright side.”
Yes, but I am still not okay.
I am not okay.
“But at least you….”
Well sure, but I am not okay.
I am not okay.
“Let me know how I can help you.” (When we both know I will never ask).
Will I always be stuck in not okay?
I am not okay.
*insert empty words of platitude)
Don’t you listen?!? I am not okay!
I am not okay
“It is okay to not be okay.” But also, we need you. Do more.
Is it *really* okay for me to not be okay?
I am not okay.
The family says, “You’re just being selfish/prideful/dramatic. I knew you would never be okay”
They are right. Here I am. Being not okay.
I am not okay.
Satan says, “Now is the time. Attack away!”
More and more, I am crumbling and not okay.
I am not okay.
My people say, “I wish I knew what to do.”
Me too, maybe then I would be okay.
I am not okay.
God says, “I see you. I hear you. I know you. I understand. I can do something about it. I love you.”
And, all of a sudden...it is okay that I am not okay.
I might someday be okay.
With God by my side, little by little, I’ll heal and I’ll grow.
By grace, I will be okay.
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