I Am Not Okay

I am not okay

I tell myself, “You’re nothing. Stop whining. No one cares.”

I am not okay.

I am not okay.

The world says, “But my situation is worse.”

True, but I am not okay.

I am not okay.

My son says, “Mommy, I need you.

My heart breaks even more, and now I am really not okay.

I am not okay.

My friend says, “but look on the bright side.”

Yes, but I am still not okay.

I am not okay.

“But at least you….”

Well sure, but I am not okay.

I am not okay.

“Let me know how I can help you.” (When we both know I will never ask).

Will I always be stuck in not okay?

I am not okay.

*insert empty words of platitude)

Don’t you listen?!? I am not okay!

I am not okay

“It is okay to not be okay.” But also, we need you. Do more.

Is it *really* okay for me to not be okay?

I am not okay.

The family says, “You’re just being selfish/prideful/dramatic. I knew you would never be okay”

They are right. Here I am. Being not okay.

I am not okay.

Satan says, “Now is the time. Attack away!”

More and more, I am crumbling and not okay.

I am not okay.

My people say, “I wish I knew what to do.”

Me too, maybe then I would be okay.

I am not okay.

God says, “I see you. I hear you. I know you. I understand. I can do something about it. I love you.”

And, all of a sudden...it is okay that I am not okay.

I might someday be okay.

With God by my side, little by little, I’ll heal and I’ll grow.

By grace, I will be okay.