This weekend I had the privilege to visit my family in Oklahoma. I have visited them numerous times before, but this time was different. My grandmother was diagnosed with a rare form of nasal lymphoma back in February and fought with strength and dignity through two rounds of chemotherapy. Just this month, we learned the tumor was aggressive and had outsmarted the chemo. With that information, my grandmother made the courageous decision to stop treatment and enjoy what little time she has left.
I believe without a shadow of a doubt that God can perform miracles, but something deep inside of me believes this trip might have been my last one with Grandma. Leading up to the trip, I found myself wondering how could I ever say goodbye. It was equal parts difficult and exciting to embark on this trip.
To back up a little, when we first learned of the diagnosis, Grandma requested that the entire family come over to their home to pray. Grandma has 3 children, 1 son-in-law, 2 daughters-in-law, 9 grandchildren, 4 spouses of grandchildren, and 8 great-grandchildren. Almost everyone of us were able to attend.
I love how in the photos, the light is shining on Grandma as we prayed. It is so clear to me that God was in that room with us.
We spent the time praying for a miracle and that God would be glorified throughout the process regardless of the results. We all laughed together, cried together, prayed together, and enjoyed the chaos that is the Busby family.
While lots of medical changes have occurred since that day, this trip was the first time I was able to get back up there for a visit. Knowing this was potentially my last trip with her, I wanted to make the most of it.
Grandma had created a bucket list shortly after making the decision to stop treatment. On that list was to go back to church, as she had previously not been well enough to attend during chemo. Unfortunately, Sunday morning she was not feeling well enough to attend. Fortunately, later that evening, Jaxon and I were able to visit her and Papa. At that time, I was able to read her a letter I had written. You can read the letter and the story behind it here. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but we shared a glorious moment together. For that I am eternally grateful. She and I talked about items on each of our bucket lists, shared memories, and laughed at the chaos that is Jaxon Malachi.
Another item on her bucket list was to attend her women’s Bible study at her church. These women have done life with Grandma for years, and she was giddy with excitement at the opportunity to share in another moment with them. My cousin Kara and I got the honor of joining her for the day. It was such a joy to watch her laugh, cry, and converse with the women who have supported her so well.
My favorite moment of the brunch was when they invited her to speak. My grandmother is a woman of faith, a prayer warrior, and the epitome of a Proverbs 31 woman. Her words managed to speak to each of us and consistently gave God the glory. Many moments from that morning will forever be treasured in my heart, but one thing she said was too good not to share.
Grandma grabbed my hand and said to the group, “Ladies, don’t wait until you’re sick to start working on your bucket list. Begin living today. Stop looking for reasons to wait.” It meant so much after having just discussed my own bucket list with her the day before. The event was a beautiful experience, and I am so grateful I was able to be a part of it.
After that, Kara and her boys went with my grandparents, Jaxon, and I to Innerurban where we shared the infamous Tuesday burger special and pizza for the kiddos. We went back to their place, ate Papa’s famous milkshakes (Jax experienced his first!), and watched the littles play and laugh. Maverick read a Bible story to Grandma, Jaxon gazed in awe at the older boys, we took a 4 generations picture, and I enjoyed the seconds as they passed.
It was not long after that it was time to say goodbye. In my heart, I felt it just might be my last good bye. I hugged her neck, cried, and took in everything I could about the moment. I remember she pulled away, and I grabbed her back and told her I wasn’t done yet. It was the hardest and most special time I’ve ever had with her. After that, I put Jaxon in the car and cried the whole way to my mom’s. As I got out of the car, my mom said, “I don’t know how you did that. How did you say goodbye?” I knew exactly what she meant, because I still feel that it was not enough. It will never be enough.
However, the next day as I drove the 6 hours back to Texas, Jesus spoke clearly to me. He reminded me that though it might be my final goodbye on this Earth, it will not be the last time I see my grandma.
Someday I will worship with her in Heaven. But in Heaven, her pain will be gone. The cancer won’t have its hold on her. Satan will no longer win in either one of our hearts. Someday I will see her again, but this time we will be both be free. What a glorious truth that is.
People, hear this that life is short, but salvation is eternal.
As I wrap up this entirely too long blog post, I will leave you with the following scripture: Psalm 136. We read this at my Grandma’s Bible Study, and I hope you can rest in this truth today.
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords: His love endures forever.
to him who alone does great wonders, His love endures forever. who by his understanding made the heavens, His love endures forever. who spread out the earth upon the waters, His love endures forever. who made the great lights— His love endures forever. the sun to govern the day, His love endures forever. the moon and stars to govern the night; His love endures forever.
to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt His love endures forever. and brought Israel out from among them His love endures forever. with a mighty hand and outstretched arm; His love endures forever.
to him who divided the Red Sea[a] asunder His love endures forever. and brought Israel through the midst of it, His love endures forever. but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea; His love endures forever.
to him who led his people through the wilderness; His love endures forever.
to him who struck down great kings, His love endures forever. and killed mighty kings— His love endures forever. Sihon king of the Amorites His love endures forever. and Og king of Bashan— His love endures forever. and gave their land as an inheritance, His love endures forever. an inheritance to his servant Israel. His love endures forever.
He remembered us in our low estate His love endures forever. and freed us from our enemies. His love endures forever. He gives food to every creature. His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.
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