If you haven’t heard me talk about it yet, each December I faithfully pray that God would reveal a word that will be my focus for the upcoming year. Each year he has provided, and each year the given word has radically transformed my life. The year never goes according to my own plans, but God always uses the words to shape, grow, and transform my faith and character. My youth leader introduced me to the idea in high school, and I have been doing it ever since. You can check out my other words here.
For the year 2018, God laid it on my heart to pursue the word peace, specifically the peace of Christ (Colossians 3:15). This word was far bigger than I ever expected it would be. I witnessed peace fall over my life like never before. One of the best ways I experience peace is through writing. Please bear with me as I dive into the lessons of the year. (It’s long, but so was this year).
This year I learned what it truly means to surrender the desire to be perfect. There is so much peace in accepting the truth that God will ALWAYS be the truer and better Hannah. From this lesson, I learned that I can be excellent in a couple of things and be simply good enough in all others. It has provided more freedom that I ever thought possible.
This year, Jax had his first big medical scare. We went to the ER for a string that was wrapped around his little toe and was cutting off circulation. We were also concerned that he may have issues with the shape of his head and were sent to Dell Children’s for further testing. Through those experiences, I learned how immediately chaos can swoop into a momma’s mind, body, and soul. God’s peace kept me grounded (1 Peter 5:7). Through time spent in God’s presence, I was reminded that Jaxon is God’s and not mine. No matter what happens, I will have peace in that truth.
This year I learned that there is no greater partner to peace than joy (Galatians 5:22). I feel most at peace when I am watching my sweet boy grow, learn, and flourish. When times began to feel unsettling, I would look for the joyful moments and there, Every. Single. Time. Peace was waiting for me.
This year I found the overwhelming peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7) when you move forward in obedience. I learned that you don’t have to have it all figured out to obey. Simply move forward and do the next best thing. I did this by beginning to write my book, putting Jaxon in childcare, starting residency, returning to grad school, beginning the foster-to-adopt process, and many other small steps. Each step I took towards His will for my life was a step towards peace.
I also learned that it is okay to be fumbly when obeying. God told me to be unapologetically vulnerable, try even if I fall, and finish the race that He has set forth for me. At times, it was the mud run from Hell, and other times it was simply to move forward in ministry when I felt inept. Ultimately, it was to trust in Him to be everything I could ever need. There is no greater peace than that.
God gifted us peace when we walked through hard times. Jacob’s Dad passed away. I never met him, but I always wondered what the man that raised my man was like. I learned that grief can look oh so different for people. God also gifted us peace as one of the most faithful women I’ve known walked through a journey of cancer and ultimately meeting Jesus. I saw how fear only steals the peace that God gifts us. Grandma modeled that even the scariest of times can be overflowing with grace and peace. After all, what better peace that knowing you are approaching the gates of Heaven?
I experienced the freeing peace that floods your soul when you finally learn that it is not about you. When you are willing to lay down your pride and desire to be appreciated in order to glorify God, there is no greater joy. God told me that I must be willing to “perform” for no one before He would reveal the plan for my life. He surely has followed through on that promise, and what a journey it has been.
I was able to find peace in things I had never considered before. Peace is found in appreciating animals. Jaxon reminded me of that. Peace is found in nature. Thanksgiving in Fort Davis was a beautiful picture of God’s creation. Peace is found in experiences, Hawaii was an abundance of peaceful experiences. Peace can last for a whole season, Christmas always points to that.
Up until this year, I have always been afraid to share the gospel with nonbelievers. God gifted me peace in boldness (Romans 15:13). I was able to baptize my first person this year, and share the peace with someone else who needed it most. I still have quite the journey here, but this year was a major step in the right direction.
I learned to surrender relationships, situations, and experiences that did not give me peace even when it was hard. Peace is NOT found in nursing my child (at least for me), so I had to lay down my pride and give in earlier than planned. Peace is not found in the people who use and abuse you. Sometimes its best to set loving boundaries (Hebrews 12:14). Finally, peace is not found anywhere apart from God. Sometimes you have to be honest about your sins. My personal peace is activated with a healthy life style. Always have and always will be regardless of my excuses.
When I worked extra hard on my nutrition, Satan got scared. It revealed the root issue. My mind can quickly come to a dark place. God, through the story of Nehemiah, reminded me that I can pray “shotgun prayers” against the dark thoughts. Immediately, peace would fill their place (Isaiah 26:3). God reminded me that the troubles of this world will never win. We should fear not, because the peace of Christ has overcome the world (John 16:33).
When the to-do list was exceedingly long, God showed peace by increasing my capacity and the capacity of people around me to finish the work for His glory. By him and through Him, we will always be able to do more than ever imagined.
God showed me that accessing peace is easiest when practicing the spiritual disciplines. I learned that more than anything, God desires our presence. When we enter into His presence, He responds by gifting us exactly what we need most (2 Thessalonians 3:16). I experienced God in more way and more often than ever before through things like worship, imaginative prayer, Immanuel Journaling, and fasting.
God reminded me that sometimes all anyone ever needs in this world is rest. (Matthew 11:28) Rest rejuvenates the peace when it feels distant. Our first family vacation to Dallas was a great resting place and a reminder of what truly matters.
God took away milestones that I thought I would reach because I was walking in disobedience. He wanted me to let go of my guilt, shame, pride, envy, fear, and sorrow and walk in peace and peace alone (1 Peter 3:11).
God taught me that parenting is nothing but making decisions. Every single day, I will fail as a parent. I found peace in the reminder that as long as I am seeking Christ, I am being the very best mommy I can be. Also, Jaxon really loves me even though I’m a mess.
God gave me peace in my marriage. We reunited our passion for one another this year by deepening our spiritual walks, making each other a priority, and finding ways to make life fun (also, Sexy September). Peace is found in the fun moments too. I may need that reminder more often. Also, weekends away for Mommy and Daddy are nonnegotiable.
God showed me that chaos finds friends with chaos. When all around me feels out of control, I must be the one to seek the peace (1 Corinthians 14:33). Otherwise, nothing will ever change. Especially when Jaxon is full fit mode. He is the definition of chaos this year. What’s great is in the chaos, I have learned to seek peace. Not cry for it, complain I don’t have it, but make space for it. After all, God reminded me that I am not owed peace (Psalm 90)
However, if I had to quickly summarize what I learned most about peace this year, it would be as follows. God truly desires to gift us peace, but we have to pursue Him first. We cannot sit idly by and wait for peace to fall upon us. Sure, that can happen. But when we run after peace, even in the chaos, the messy, and the unknown, the blessings will be better than we could ever imagine. What a gift 2018 has been to our family. I can't wait to see what God does for and through us next year.
If you are unsure as to how to pursue this peace that I’ve spent way too many words explaining, it is simple. Romans 10:9 tells us that, “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” God wants to save you. Simply let Him.
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