The Sound of Silence. Such a powerful song. An even more powerful concept. One that recently wrecked my world in the best of ways.
Oh, how I wish I could post about every revelation I have had since I began residency, but time does not allow for that. However, today I knew this lesson was worth remembering for years to come.
One of the books we are reading is the Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. So far, the book has exceeded my wildest expectations. I highly recommend checking it out for yourself.
Anyways....today I was reading the chapter on the discipline of solitude. This is an area I struggle with anyways. I was looking forward to reading the chapter, but I did not expect it to have the magnitude that it did. Two quotes jumped off the page instantly. It was as if I was reading my own personal journal about an issue that I had not yet been able to put into words.
In the first quote that hit me like a truck, Foster is actually quoting John Woolman's Journal. He says," One Day, being under a strong exercise of the spirit, I stood up and said some words in a meeting; but not keeping close to the Divine opening, I said more than was required of me. Being soon sensible of my error, I was afflicted in mind some weeks, without any light or comfort, even to that degree that I could not take satisfaction in anything…..About six weeks after this, feeling the spring of Divine love opened, and a concern to speak, I said a few words in a meeting, in which I found peace."
This entire year, I have focused on the word peace. In my quiet time, I have learned that God desires for me to walk away from 2018 with a peace within myself and a peace for who I am and who I am not. The Woolman quote rocked me to my core. This internal battle between whether I said enough and whether I said too much is constantly distracting me from my purpose, my calling, and my faith. This will be the end of the enemy's victory over me. I will give myself grace for when I don't follow the Spirit's prompting, and I will remain at peace with myself when I follow the nudges of the Spirit.
The second quote that jumped out of the page said, "We fear so deeply what we think other people see in us that we talk in order to straighten out their understanding."
I took an Enneagram test, and I am a 2 with a 1 wing. It means that I care way too much about what other people think, and I feel an overwhelming need to be perfect. Both of these things set me up for disappointment. Reading these words makes me feel silly for caring so much, but I know the pain behind them are all too true and real in my life.
I am committing not only to the discipline of silence and solitude, but to utilizing my spiritual gift of discernment. I will be choosey about when to speak and when to remain silent. I will allow God to justify me and be confident knowing that my actions will help define my reputation. I ask you, friend, to challenge me and hold me to these promises. What revelation has shaken you recently? What words have you read that feel like reading your internal journal?
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