Each December, I faithfully pray that God would reveal a word that will become my focus for the upcoming year. Each year He has faithfully provided, and the given word has radically shaped my life. The year never goes according to my own plans, but God always uses the word to shape, grow, and magnify my faith and character. My youth leader introduced me to the idea in high school, and I have been doing it ever since. You can check out my past words of the year here.
Last year's word, transform was so fruitful. and lifegiving. I found myself doubting that any word could be as impactful. However, per usual, God provided. Loud and clear, I received the word "healing."
Initially, I though that the word for 2020 would be recovery. A major discovery of 2019 was that I was addicted to myself. I craved more recognition, ego, and success. It was disgusting and embarrassing to admit. I had also found myself obsessed with reading story after story of addicts that had been successful in recovering from a variety of different addictions. I had planned for the hashtag to be #recoveringbeautifully2020 and knew that this was what God had in store for me. Then, God revealed to me that recovery is often done in one's own strength. Conversely, healing is something that is dependent on an outside source (medicine, therapy, doctors, etc). What I needed more than to recover from the addiction to myself was to allow God to come and graciously heal my wounds that myself and others have left gaping and untreated. Though I never fully understand what my provided words mean, I have a few thoughts about the year ahead.
I feel as if it is important to share that this word was given to me before our miscarriage. Even before the loss, I needed healing from the heaviness of 2019. I had spent the year identifying my darkest sin and sitting in the brokenness of my revelations. This experience was necessary for transformation to unfold. However, the year also uncovered an excessive amount of pain, shame, hurt, and guilt that need healing. As a result, the idea of a year devoted to healing was refreshing and relieving. Then, the news that we had lost our baby sealed the deal. I need to focus on moving forward in health. I need to mend the broken pieces and transform the pain to purpose.
There are already things I know are coming in 2020. In my journey to school, I will be transferring from schoolwork to actual internships and fieldwork. This will be incredibly stressful but exciting! I hope that I can share my experience of healing with the clients that are gifted to me. I'm looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.
In our family, we will grow our family. How, when, and other details are unknown to us, but God promised us a child. We will wait patiently for His promises to unfold.
In Radiant Sisters, there are big plans for our book, our social media, and the business side of things. God could take us anywhere. We are taking our rightful place as His feet and waiting to see how things unfold.
Spiritually, I want to heal from hurts caused by Christians and the Church. They are not gods, but sometimes I forget that truth. I need to place my faith in the one true God and lower my hope found in people. I will read the entire Bible this year. I'll admit, I didn't want to write that goal, because I was afraid I would fail. But, maybe that's something I need healing for as well. I need to gift myself grace in the failures and forgive my own shortcomings. Spiritually, I need to heal my understanding of who God is and, in turn, heal my understanding of who I am.
In other areas specific to healing, I want to continue to focus on my health through Camp Gladiator and eating well but also in new ways. I want to take care of my body through detox, stretching, and self-care. I want to listen to the aches and pains of my physical self and take action to heal. I want to start therapy and address the emotional baggage that I have been carrying around for far too long. Finally, I need to heal a relationship that has been burdening my heart for some time. Healing requires trust, patience, stillness, faith, and fervent prayer. Each of these things are hard for me. Immensely hard. But I have found that I enjoy the hard so much more than the easy.
There is so much unknown for me this year. I used to be fearful of that, but now I am excited for the openness of the path ahead.
I hope that my journey towards healing is a testament to God's goodness and overwhelming grace. I hope that in 2020, I make Jesus big and myself small. I hope to experience hope and joy and peace and transformation and freedom in ways that I have never experienced before. 2020. Healing. Gracious Healing. I'm ready.
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